Tell Me A Joke

Everyone hits a rough patch and enters a tell me a joke sort of crisis. We got you a list of funny jokes to lift your spirits and put an end to your crisis.

Who doesn’t like having a funny friend around who always has a different response when we say “Come ooon, you gotta tell me a joke”? However, some of us seem to be punished with a friend who does not only suck at telling jokes, but complains about it all the time. Being good at telling funny jokes doesn’t mean being a comedian and telling jokes for a living. All that this form of art requires is understanding the basics of humor and practice.

How to Respond When You’re Asked “Tell Me A Joke”?

The basics of telling jokes are timing, anticipation and the element of surprise. The importance of timing is crucial and is what can make or break your joke. Even if you’re telling the world’s most hilarious joke, you fail to say the right words at the right moment – you fail to make anyone laugh. Many often say too many unnecessary words, others miss to mention key details. Without proper timing, jokes will not make sense and will be referred to as silly jokes.

Tell Me A Joke
Tell Me A Joke

Another important basic of laughing jokes is building anticipation. If you ask a professional comedian, they will tell you that anticipation is the key to a laughing response. Since the end of short jokes has to deliver the biggest laugh, what better way to end a joke than include an unexpected, unpredictable element of surprise. People do not need the biggest laugh in the beginning or in the middle – only at the end of the joke. Every joke that features an ending that no one could see coming is a good joke. The last tip is practice. It takes a lot of practice to take your skills to the level of a stand-up comedian, but every journey begins with making the first step.

As I recall, you (probably) Googled “tell me a joke, tell me something funny” and you were expecting to find a list of funny jokes and riddles that can improve your mood quickly. But giving you a list of hilarious, cheesy, corny, geeky, dirty, fat, yo’ mama, dark humor and lame jokes is a piece of cake. I also wanted to help all those of you who get a kick out of telling jokes to improve your skills with a few simple tips. Ask your friends – they will also tell you that your humor was getting a bit rusty. Now, it’s time for the highly anticipated list of some of the world’s most hilarious jokes that can make anyone laugh.

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Funny Jokes

  • To me, a joke is like a restaurant: I cannot think of one at short notice.
  • How do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream.
  • I recently read a list of “100 Things You Must Do Before You Die” and was shocked that “Yell for help” wasn’t one of them.
  • A Buddhist goes to a sandwich stand and says: “Make me one with everything.” When the Buddhist got his sandwich, he asked for his change to which the vendor replies: “Change comes from within.”
  • What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderpants.
  • Two peanuts were walking down the street and one of them was a salted.
  • What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding only half of it.
  • Why are the Middle Ages referred to as the Dark Ages? Because they had a plenty of knights.
  • How does every racist joke start? With the joke-teller looking over the shoulders.
  • What do you call a bear with disabled hearing? Anything you want – he can’t hear you anyway.
  • What did the Husky think of his new bed? He thought it was too rough.
  • What do you call an arrogant criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending.
  • Eggs and bacon walk into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says: “I’m sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
  • What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roaming Catholic.
  • China’s flag gets 5 stars, but who rates themselves 5 stars? Lack of modesty is always a big red flag.
  • Why can’t a bike stand on its own? Because it’s too tired.
  • What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? You can’t make a vitamin.
  • Why are elephants big and gray? Because if they were small and purple, they’d be grape.
  • A horse enters a bar. The bartender says: “Why the long face?”
  • What are the first words of a programmer when born? Hello, world!
  • Cop: “Sir, do you have any idea how badly you were switching lines?”
    Guy: “Sorry, officer, but I’m drunk.”
    Cop: “That’s not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car.”
  • I spent too much money on video games this month. All my savings have gone up in Steam.
  • What’s the worst part about time traveling? You know the punchline before you hear the joke.
  • Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, “Kill the little brat” becomes “Kill the punctuation.”
  • How do programmers celebrate their birthdays? var celebration = [“Hip”, “Hip”]’;
  • A Scotsman is out walking with his girlfriend. They walk by a nice pizza restaurant and the girl says “Mmm, these pizzas smell delicious!”, to which the Scotsman replies: “Oh, wanna go walk past it once more?”
  • I knew she was the one since the moment she said those three little words that took my breath away: “THAT’S GONNA SMELL!”
  • If you ever Google Gary Oldman, double check to make sure you’ve typed the R.
  • My best friend swore up and down that he’d stop taking credit for my accomplishments. Today he called me to brag that he got his wife pregnant.
  • I accidentally clicked on a “You’ve won an iPhone” pop-up. Luckily, it was only just a virus.
  • Some people have 32 teeth, while others have 12. It’s simple meth.
  • Ever since it started raining, my wife hasn’t stopped sadly looking through the stupid window. If it gets really worse, I’ll have to let her in.
  • How do you know if a man’s going to say something smart? He starts the sentences with “My wife told me…”
  • My doctor said I have 3 months to live. So I shot him and the judge gave me 25 years.
  • What does Kim Jong Un do when he’s angry? [removed] [end list] [leave blog]
Goran
All words have super powers, but the way you mix them defines your creative hour. I am fueled by wide-eyed interest in any topic, laser beam phrases and style most simple, yet enigmatic.